Meanwhile, look up and read everything you can by Archimadrite Sophrony. Try this for starters:
“Christ said, ‘I came not to send peace, but a sword’ and ‘division’.
Christ summoned us to war on the plane of the spirit, and our weapon is ‘the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.’ Our battle is waged in extraordinarily unequal conditions. We are tied hand and foot.
We dare not strike with fire or sword: our sole armament is love, even for enemies. This unique war in which we are engaged is indeed a holy war. We wrestle with the last and only enemy of mankind – death.
Our fight is the fight for universal resurrection.”
from His Life Is Mine ( St. Vladimir's Seminary Press March, 1997)